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Wednesday, July 04, 2007
They give you metal silverware on their flights.
That's right.
Metal fucking silverware.
...
I suppose I'd also like to talk about the awesome Malaysian man I met on one of my flights. Tiger Heng. But I can do that later. Right now, I'm gonna go enjoy the open right next to me at Narita.
peace,
-W
10:28 PM
Hello folks,
I'm at the International Terminal in Phnom Penh, paying $1.50 for internet, and facebook is down. That's fucking annoying. It doesn't even say when it will be back up, just that they're upgrading and "We'll be back soon." Fuck them.
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
So, yeah. My flight boards in 20 minutes. I was worried earlier cause the bus from Siem Reap to Phnom Penh broke down half way there. Can you believe the luck of that? It's straight out of a movie. Especially considering I was talking with my mom the night before, and she warned that the exact thing might happen. I was sitting there for 45 minutes, wondering at the irony of the world. At least the air conditioning didn't break.
I made it with time to spare anyway, though. I managed to barter a $7 tuk-tuk ticket down to $6, which I was proud of. I had to go through a bit of a complicated process at the airport with changing tickets, cause of an earlier mistake, but the agents were incredibly friendly. Like, really. Even the floor manager was a really nice guy, even while maintaining a professional air. I was impressed.
Customs here is a joke, too. I filled out a card, showed them my passport, got smiled at, and went through security. If this was the states, I might not have made it in time.
But who cares about that?
Well, you should, cause it's interesting.
I don't know if there's much more to say.
peace,
-W
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Tuesday, July 03, 2007
I accidentally accessed this page through a Vietnamese formated page at the internet cafe I'm in, so right now I can't understand what any of the buttons on my blog say. It's kind of funny.
Let me just say that running into former acquaintences can be a unique experience. I'll leave that at that.
Anyway. Everyone is gone, except Trent. It's just the two of us left in Siem Reap. Really, really surreal. It took me a little while, but I eventually made the transition from the intense, draining experience of working with SEALNet and its people for two weeks, to relaxing and sightseeing in Siem Reap with only half of the people I had grown so close to. And now they're all gone, again. I'll see most of the soon, but I don't know how I'll end up dealing with the entirely different context.
I'm sure I'll manage, though. I'm awesome that way.
So yeah, just me and Trent. It's been good to just cruise around with him, visiting temples. Trent is an incredible guy. If you don't know him, you should meet him. He'll be here long after I leave.
I had some excellent curry tonight.
Huh. It's weird, I thought I'd have a ton to say, but I don't. Not much really to say about Siem Reap. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's great. The temples are beautiful and extraordinary, and chilling has been wonderful. Much nicer city than Phnom Penh, too.
I suppose it's still a bit hard to get past the SEALNet mindset.
I'll get photos up at some point. To my fellow team members, I'm incredibly sorry I haven't made those CDs yet. I promise I will, no later than the day I get home.
I think that's it. I'mma go enjoy my last night in Cambodia.
peace,
-W
6:28 AM
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Monday, July 02, 2007
Hello folks,
So, it’s been several days since I updated, but I blame that on the lack of wireless at our hotel in Siem Reap. I have to go to Internet cafes to get access, which sucks. I’ve also been busier than I thought I would be since we got here, and kind of just passed out in bed the past two nights.
Let’s see. After two weeks of being dry, I’ve had a few beers the past two nights. They were amazing. It might just because I’ve missed the taste, but the local brew, Angkor, tastes really great. It’s a bit light, but has the good kind of bitterness, the kind that doesn’t taste like piss water. It’s not Chimay Ale, but it’s good.
Odd place for me to start, the alcohol.
Since I’m writing this at a place without wireless, I’m not sure whether or not I’ve spoken about the second concert on the 29th. I don’t think I did, though. Christ, that feels so long ago. You know that feeling where time seems to melt away, and yet when you look back on it, the other day seems like months ago? I’ve been experiencing that sort of paradox to an extraordinary degree lately.
The frame on my laptop monitor is literally broken. As the days pass, it starts to weigh down on the monitor more and more. I really need to get that fixed.
It’s hard to concentrate. I’m sitting in the middle of a bubble tea café, with Vi, Jean-Louise, and John, our former filmographer, sitting nearby. I know what I need to get done (I’m uploading some photos right now), but I’m worried that they’ll wander off. John, especially, I’d like to hang out with.
Right, the second concert. Fuck.
This apple juice is very good. I always forget I’m allergic to apples, though, and they cause my mouth to swell.
Okay, no more tangents.
I’ll make this part brief, since hopefully someone will touch on it better in the main blog. The second concert went really well, arguably better than the first one. The outdoor lighting was awful, so I couldn’t get good shots, but other than that it was great. The audience was not only packed, but attentive, the performances were really beautiful, and we managed to stay close on schedule. My students, Tran and Smay, were once again really great, too, and this time they didn’t apologize profusely for making mistakes. Maybe they’ll read this site one day. I’ll have to direct them to it. Hey guys, if you’re reading this. Hope you can understand enough of the English.
So yeah, after the concert we had dinner back at CLA with all of the students. It was really wonderful. At risk of sounding cheesy, there was so much happiness in the room. People danced and sang, and I took photographs, of course. Kelvin took a nice group picture, though the lighting sucked. I hate bad lighting.
We then said goodbye. What an odd experience. We spend two weeks with these kids, transcend language barriers, make friends and all that, then we pack up and leave, and hope that they got something from the whole experience. The kids were wonderful, though. The farewells were very emotional. Several of the students bought us all gifts. Many people cried (not me this time, though). Then we left.
I wonder how many of them I’ll ever see again. I wonder when.
Those kids are beautiful and talented. I felt honored to have worked with them, even the students I never got to know. I pray that they will achieve their dreams, and I will do whatever is in my power to make sure that they do.
I’ll see them again.
I’m now sitting at a bar with Rith, JL, Kathleen, and Vi. I’m going to go meet John in a bit, along with some old acquaintances, and probably get plastered. I’ve been dry far too long.
Anyway, this brings me to the end of the 29th, when I think I last posted. We got back to the hotel, had an evaluation session, then that was it for the project. Less emotional than I thought it would be, but then again, the emotional intensity of the entire trip has been draining. A bunch of us played a few random games for a while, then one by one we wandered off to bed. I got locked out of my room, but someone else accommodated me. I stayed up late, experiencing one last emotional rollercoaster, the sort I haven’t gone through since high school, and made the conscious decision to avoid. Well, whatever. Maybe I’ll tell you about it in person if you ask.
Then I went to sleep.
Jean-Louise needs to use the Internet, and apparently the bar has reached its capacity, so I need to log off. I’m going to post this now, then update later.
Peace,
-W
8:15 AM
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Friday, June 29, 2007
First of all, I just wanted to comment the last part of what I wrote in the last post. It's inane. I sound idiotic, and suppose I was writing more myself than anyone else.
I don't know if I actually have the presence of mind to write another post right noww, though. Today was the last day of the project, and it was crazy on many levels,. I haven't really figured it all out, and still aren't sure how it's going to come to an end in my mind.
So I won't put a post up right now. Maybe I''ll work on it while I'm in Siem Reap. I hope that I get internet connection there.
Yeah, this all isn't at a point of closure yet.
peace,
-W
1:10 PM
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Thursday, June 28, 2007
Again, I wrote this yesterday. The intrablahgs fail here. Anyway...
Hello folks
Much has happened over the past three days. Every day seems to build on something of a physical and emotional rollercoaster the I keep thinking has reached its extremes, and yet never fails to climb just a bit higher, before plummeting dangerously close to the ground, then rising again. I’m not sure if I can even recall all of the twists in one sitting, but I’ll do my best, for my personal benefit if nothing else.
I’m really tempted to start with today, but I’ll try and go all the way back to the concert on the 25th. Christ, that was a bloody long time ago. Long day as it happened, too. We woke up, did our usual morning routine in the park, and then picked up breakfast to go from the usual place next to the hotel. We arrived at Sisowath high school, the location of the concert, a bit later. It’s a big campus, with large, yellow buildings and open courtyards. Compared to anything I’d be used to seeing in the states, it’s in incredible disrepair; dust and trash is everywhere, parts of buildings falling apart, and makeshift structures dotting the landscape. The performance hall only has one circuit box, and the stage lacks adequate equipment and space. Nonetheless, it represents one of the best institutions of high school level learning in Phnom Penh, and it shows in the students we’ve been working with. It’s an endearing complex, and beautiful in a way I can’t really describe.
Anyway, we arrived, and I could barely eat. I wasn’t particularly nervous and not sick (yet), but I simply couldn’t choke the food down without gagging. Just one of those days, I guess.
We got into the concert hall, but I had to leave almost right away to buy a charger for my camera battery. I went with Seihoung, whom I hadn’t had the chance to really speak to before. He’s a wonderful man. Very funny, very intelligent, and exudes kindness. While we weren’t successful in bargaining down the price of the charger, at least I could finally take photographs again.
The problem, though, was that my battery charged incredibly slowly. At first I just thought it was a crappy charger, but I realized later when I was able to charge the entire battery in 20 minutes at the hotel that the problem was, in fact the weakness of the electrical outlet I was using. Eventually it charged enough for me to use it, but it ran out of juice twice again during the course of the day, the second time, unfortunately, in the middle of the concert. I got some really great shots, though, and it felt awesome to be using my camera again. More on that later, though.
So, we spent several hours getting ready, and while stuff didn’t go quite on schedule, it went well enough. I thoroughly enjoyed the performance, despite some serious issues with the hired sound equipment. I’m sure the main blog will discuss that more thoroughly, though. I was really proud of Tran and Raksmay, even if I couldn’t understand a word they said. The were incredibly confident and clear when they spoke, and even though Tran couldn’t remember to hold the mic the right way, they both pulled it off admirably. At one point, Tran’s mic went out, and while Smay covered beautifully for him, he very calmly went to the sound table and collected new mic. Even though they thought they performed poorly, they did very well.
The place was packed, too. We had over 500 people, which blew my mind. I was also blown away by running into a former classmate from grammar school, who was in the audience. Weird shit.
So, we finished the concert on an incredible high. What was a little disappointing, though, was returning to CLA, where we realized that we had failed to create permission forms for the students for the field trips the next day. What should have been ten minutes of debriefing turned into over an hour of waiting. I admit I was not very happy at that point. I’m so tired, I honestly can’t recall what happened the rest of the day.
The next day. This day was an exception to the schedule of the rest of the program, hence the permission forms. Luckily, most students got permission and were able to come, cause today turned out to be extraordinary. Rather than teaching the CLA and high school students, we went with them to visit children in even more disadvantaged situations. The first, we split into two groups, and each visited a separate AIDS orphanage. These were kids between the age of around 2 and 7 who were infected with HIV, and had lost their parents. At the site we visited, the program workers were building a small community for these kids a bit outside Phnom Penh. We got a brief tour, then were left with the children for about 45 minutes.
I’d left my camera on all night like an idiot, so the battery was dead, but I guess on the brightside it freed up my hands to play with the kids. That was something. Moving in a way I can’t describe without sounding hokey. I’m sure it was something all of the children were taught, but they called us “pa” and “ma.” One of the young boys was carrying around this book of fashion for young girls, and had no idea what it was, but I went through it with him anyway. Eventually, he produced a book full of little punch-out tokens. I went through the pictures with a few kids, telling them the English words for certain animals and letters, and having them tell me the Khmer names. When we had to leave, I had to step away from the group and take a moment. I felt myself beginning to cry. I never cry.
I can’t do it justice, but it was one of the most touching experiences of my life. Another one came that afternoon.
This time around, my battery was charged, and I could take photographs. We visited a dumpster site. Mountains of garbage, literally. Piles that towered over your head, which you could climb if you tried. Trash everywhere, covering the ground, the water. And there were people here. Not any sort of disposal worker. Children, adults, wrapped in tattered, stained cloths, sifting through the garbage, sorting it into bags, going to and fro. These were people so poor that they scavenged through trash for any small thing to sell, barely making enough money for a bowl of rice every day. We went with the Cambodian Children’s Fund, headed by a wonderful man named Scott Niesen. He was the former marketing director of Sony, who sold everything to move to Cambodia and help and try and save these children.
For the first time in my life, I encountered a severe case of photojournalistic ethics. I made to comment to Kathleen and Rith, I think, that when you have a camera, people either love you or despise you. I had some people posing and waving, while others glared warily at me. Others ignored me, just another comfortable westerner come to marvel at them. Whatever they felt, though, I felt almost as though my camera offered something false. I couldn’t do anything, I didn’t offer anything to them. I just took pictures, pictures that people have been seeing for 50 plus years, and hardly care about anymore. I took, and offered nothing, except maybe a false hope that I could make people aware, make something change.
And yet, there was this one little girl I came across as we were leaving. Beautiful little child, with silky black hair just past her shoulders. She caught my eye, and sort of smiled shyly at me, and looked at my camera. I asked if I could take a picture of her, and her smile widened just a tad, and she sort of nodded, and I took the shot. I gave her one more smile, then walked away.
The picture is beautiful. I want to get it to her somehow. I don’t know if it’s possible.
***
Alright, there’s something else I’m going to get out now, and it’s a bit more personal than I’m used to exposing. The rest of today can wait, since there’s really only the workshop to discuss, and I don’t feel like ranting about that right now. Fuck me. It’s weird. I’m at a point in my life where I consider myself ‘good with women,’ to use a common term, I guess. I used to not be, but that has changed. Some of my best friends are female, and I know how to be attractive to some, at least. And yet, whenever I try and expose some sort of genuine emotional (searching for the word) attachment, I lose the game. This is why throughout freshman year of college, I gave up on significant emotion, because when the moment comes, if you choose intellectualization on any level over forgivable action, you don’t get shit.
And I know all of this. I know how to manipulate it, perhaps not as well as some people I know, but I have my own style. So why would I even bother trying to make it real? The end result is the same, especially in circumstances like this where time is a limiting factor, and I personally have no concerns over being hurt. So why do I ask rather than take?
And it doesn’t hurt. People have tried to hurt me in the past, and have failed. It’s simply frustrating, how time and time again what seems ethically the best choice ends up with more problems than the alternatives. I suppose that relates back to some of the struggles I faced concerning my time with the orphans and in the junkyard. What do we amount to, really?
If you’ve read all this, congratulations. It is probably the most personal statement you’ll ever get from me.
Fuck it, I’m tired. More on today tomorrow.
10:09 AM
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Monday, June 25, 2007
I spent all night fidgeting around with things related to stuff, including the template for this blog. I don't like this one that much, but it's better than the oppressive black I started with, and will do for a little while. I'll get a feed up at some point, etc.
Because of said fidgeting, I'm going to pass posting today. We had the concert, which was spectacular. Tomorrow, which is a chill day, I'll give the full rundown. Until then, enjoy the other two somewhat dated posts.
10:01 AM
Still the internet issue. I actually wrote this on the 24th.
So, as of writing this, I have no Internet access, which kind of sucks. Actually, I don’t even know if my last post made it online, so the two might be going up at the same time. Woot.
Packed day today. I hit a bit of low in terms of stability. While nothing compares to the complete and utter exhaustion of both my body and soul I experienced the day before, I felt more stressed out today than I had at any other point this trip. This mostly occurred during the afternoon concert planning, when everything very suddenly became urgent and frantic. It kind of came right out of left field, considering the past three days, everything was going smoothly with both planning and with my students, Tran and Smay. And yet, all of a sudden, we had a thousand and one thing we needed to do in a rapidly receding amount of time.
First of all. We realized we did not have all of the information we needed, and my Tran and Smay both needed to speak to more people. This barrier was compounded by the fact that at the last minute, we had decided to add a fourth set to the concert, bringing in an entirely new group to perform. On top of that, the content of the presentations the students had written needed a bunch of editing.
It was hectic, and particularly stressful because there was not much I personally could do. I delegated tasks to Smay and Tran, which was relatively redundant considering they usually knew what they needed to get done next even before I did, then just sort of sat there, twitching nervously. While I was fully confident in the capability of the two, I get antsy when I can’t get directly involved in accomplishing what needs to be done. So I stewed, a lot.
Luckily, the two did, in fact, know exactly what needed to get done, and were very good about it. While I contemplated the trails of ants crawling across the front porch, they got all of the information they needed, and rewrote all fifteen minutes of their presentations, including new content. While everything ended up being a bit tight, we even had time at the end to run through them and everything. I still don’t understand Khmer, but they looked spot on and Trent said they sounded good, so hey.
It astounds me anew every day how intelligent and generally awesome these kids are. We participated in a Cambodian dance class, this morning, and the students were all over us, helping us pitifully attempt to get the movements right. We failed miserably, but it was really wonderful.
I’m to the point with the group that I’ve started singing to myself, which, if you’re one of my fellow mentors and are curious, is a good thing.
I’m really starting to feel very powerfully about the work I’m doing here. Honestly, I always knew I’d have a good time and maybe accomplish something, but the resume-padding factor has been rather relevant. It’s less so now.
The concert is tomorrow. I’m strangely serene about the whole thing. While I wish that I was more involved in the technical aspects, such as stage managing, set and sound construction, etc, I’m really entirely confident that the whole thing will work out. Really the only factor I’m concerned about is attendance. I really have no way to anticipate how many people will come.
I know that there was something really important that I was going to write about, but I forgot what the hell it was. I’m getting too old.
Kevin and I decided that we’re going to go on a bike tour across Ireland at some point. I guess I’m going to have to improve my bike riding skills, cause I really suck.
So, I wrote this post several days ago, but the internet sucks here, and has been going down whenever I was going to post it. So, here it is.
Hello folks,
Over the past few days, I've gone through in my mind a whole bunch of different ways to start this post. I suppose that self-referential writing is sort of an anti-climactic decision to ultimately make, but it's easy and gets me typing.
So, stuff has kind of happened since I last wrote. Looking back, I realize that the kids hadn't even arrived at the project when I first wrote, three days ago. By now it seems like we've known them for ages. The past few days have been some of the longest in my life, but also, to use an incredibly cliché and perhaps empty phrase, some of the most rewarding. It's been incredible, but the project has gone further than anything I really could have expected.
Unfortunately, at this point it's kind of hard to report on individual events. Things are starting to blur, and it's very late (I'm making myself write this post, though). There have been many really meaningful events, though.
It's funny because in some ways I feel out of place. One factor is that I'm white. Only two other members of our mentor team, Trent and Kevin, are also Caucasian, and of us three I feel least versed in Cambodian culture. Trent, if you don't him, spent five months last year in Cambodia as a monk, is fluent in Khmer, and generally has a great deal of respect and understanding for the culture. Kevin has been very close to Trent for several years, and took his interest in Cambodian culture from him.
For me, on the other hand, I really only gained an appreciation or even genuine awareness of the country this year. As petty as it may seem, my interest stemmed from watching The Killing Fields, about the Cambodian genocide, well before I even heard of SEALnet. I did some research, and when Kevin told me about the program, I decided very quickly I wanted to apply. I'll admit, though, that much of that decision had to do with building my resume. I didn't necessarily know what to expect from the program.
Despite all of this, though, I've ended up not feeling uncomfortable at all. Strange.
There's many things I could go on to talk about, but I think I'll start with my group members, then see how I feel. Simply put, they're incredible. Every once and a while I'm simply struck by how well we work as a group, how open everyone is, and the energy we've maintained. There are some people I feel I've grown very close to rather quickly.
It's also very good to be working with Kevin again, who is one of my best friends from high school. We are co-leading a workshop on public speaking, for which we presented the first of two sessions today. Honestly, I was worried that we would be able to pull it off. Public speaking is an abstract and difficult thing to teach, even without taking language barriers into account. It felt very good, though. It was fantastic being in front of the students and working with them, and I felt that they actuallty took some understanding of confidence, vocalization, etc. away from the workshop. Banished that migraine I'd had for the past day, at least for a while.
I've had my series of issues, sure, some of which I'd rather not share here. Come ask me in person, if you're curious, and I'll probably tell you, though. There are some moments when we have feedback or information sessions when I can just see our time oozing away into the gutter. I spent one recent discussion, a rather lengthy debate over what I thought was kind of a triviaul subject that was actually solved very quickly, doodling a man with a large club beating a dead horse. There have been times where I can't sit still, but I haven't felt the urge to throttle anyone so far, so I suppose that's a good thing.
Another concern I've had, really, is being able to find some common ground between my Western background, which is my only personal frame of reference, the traditional aspect of Cambodian culture our students are familiar with, and the concept of allowing art to grow and evolve to make it relevant to new generations. It's a concept that's hard to articulate. Hah, I've been saying and thinking that very much lately, both about people and ideas. What a group.
I recommend everyone pay a visit to Cambodia at some point.
Tired now. I realize I haven't really writen much substantial. I'll try and talk more about specifics next time.
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Thursday, June 21, 2007
Yesterday: The internet connection in the hotel was down, and I didn't feel like writing a post offline. Probably unwise in retrospect, but there's no use crying over spilled milk.
Today: It's really goddamn late, and I'm far to tired to be cohesive. Nobody has probably read this yet anyway.
Big post coming soon.
-W
10:43 AM